A way to improve your life’s quality: Do something and lie about it being a New Year’s resolution so you don’t feel like a total piece of shit.

highfivesforcoolguys:

Please sign my petition to neuter all guys who believe Neil Patrick Harris’ character from How I Met Your Mother, ‘Barney Stintson’, is a role model

Look for this petition on whitehouse.gov

I keep getting e-mails from an internet based Canadian pharmacy offering me an 80% discount on pills that make you get boners (which I don’t need because I sometimes get boners around girls if I feel like it). They are relentless.

I also keep getting e-mails offering to be a “f#ck buddy”. If anyone can inform me on what a “f#ck” is, please do so as I’d like to give a definitive answer to my “f#ck buddy” suitor as soon as possible.

If you could determine someone’s race based off their music library, I’d be white.

highfivesforcoolguys:

your success as a human being can be measured in how many unmatched socks you own